The Aftermath

When you lose someone dear, everyone swoops in and wants to help. They bring food and flowers and cards and more food. You don't want any of it. Well you do but you don't know it at the time. We arrived home to a house full of food, fresh sheets on the beds, extra beds for extra visitors - it was amazing and awful at the same time. Because what it really meant is that it was really real, not just a bad dream.

When I left Steve's room, I handed my cell phone off to one of the kids. I couldn't handle what I knew would be an onslaught of friends offering their condolences. Good news travels fast - bad travels even faster. By the time we were in the car Kimberly was fielding calls of people offering frequent flyer miles to bring Aaron and my sister home. It was amazing. I let the kids handle all the details and I just sat in the car dumbfounded. I knew what the diagnosis was. I knew he would leave. I just couldn't grasp he was actually gone. I felt like a robot whose batteries were running down.

The real 'fun' was just beginning. We had to plan a funeral, buy the necessary land, etc. I now understand why people do this before they need it. They want to spare their family the pain of having to do that in their grief. Steve and I believed we would do that once the kids were gone. Once he got sick, it was the last thing we were thinking of. I am immensely grateful to Matthew, Michael and Brian for doing all the 'heavy lifting' in that area. They spoke with funeral directors, the cemetery, chose the 'box', etc. I just could not have done it all without them.

Then there was the extended family. Steve has many siblings. Not all of them were able to attend but 5 of them did. It was very nice of them to take the time to be with us. I am not sure we were able to express it at the time though. We had just been through something very private and very painful. With the exception of Aaron, we really didn't want to see anyone else. Its hard to explain and sounds very selfish but that is what we were feeling. We just wanted to be with each other. Brian and Britta even brought their airbed so they could stay with us. Michael stayed too. We just needed to be with each other. We were able to stay in our cocoon for a few days but on Saturday people started arriving. I don't even remember who arrived when. Renee is Steve's oldest sister and she was a dear.She came with her daughter Amber. I am sure I largely ignored them but I knew they were there. Steve's twin brothers from California and his youngest brother from Texas (with a sweet daughter in tow) all arrived together. It was bittersweet for them because they had not been close to Steve in later years. They discovered that their brother was pretty awesome and they just didn't realize. I was very glad to reconnect with them though and we will continue to stay in touch. Steve's brother David also drove up from North Carolina. By the time he arrived I was pretty wrecked so I am not sure if I even talked to him.

Sunday afternoon we had a viewing of sorts. The first hour was just for the family. The older boys encouraged me to say goodbye one last time before they closed up shop. It was a good choice. Seeing Steve in his beautiful and sacred clothing replaced the picture of the shrunken man I had seen days before. Afterward the 'box' (I don't like the other word), was closed but people came to pay their respects. We had visiting hours from 2-5. I expected a couple dozen people. I underestimated the love and respect people have for Steve and for us. People were lined up in advance of the time and they never stopped coming in. We stood the whole time. I could not believe how many people from our little town were there; teachers, town officials, neighbors, former sports coaches and co-workers. It was incredible. Monday would be the toughest day yet.