Today begins week 4 of Steve in the hospital. Not one of us, including the doctors, imagined we would still be here. Two weeks ago they had transitioned him to a pain patch instead of a pain medicine drip. But here we still are. The transition off of some of the stronger medications has not gone as well as planned. Steve was struggling with a bit of brain fog with so much on board. Unfortunately that fog made it seem as though his pain was more under control than it actually was. As we pulled back the pain meds and some of the other meds causing the fog, the ugly truth was revealed. The good news is that Steve's fog is mostly gone. He is clearer headed and is trying to do all the things the doctors want him to. The bad news is that reducing the pain patch was not the right move. And when the pain hits it sets off a chain reaction of other symptoms from sweating to nausea to dizziness, etc. And actually, because of the way they did the med switching they are not sure if the pain has increased or it was just being masked before. This is really tough to watch. One of the concerns is that there might be more going on inside of him than meets the eye. They are going to do an endoscopy today or Monday. They need to find out just what the tumors are doing and if there is something else like an ulcer or something. I almost wish they would find something definitive-even if it is bad-so they can do something for him.
There have been a few sweet things in all of this. One of them was washing Steve's hair. He is pretty weak and so I was helping him get cleaned up. As I was washing his hair it was almost spiritual for me - this simple act. I was filled with so much love for this man I have spent the last 38 years of my life with. He has washed my hair for me over the years if I was very pregnant or recovering from a surgery. I always enjoyed it but this was even more sweet.
This week has not been easy. Two steps forward - one step back on most days. Still, we are surrounded by the love of family and friends. I brought the stack of cards and letters to the hospital today.I wanted Steve to know how much he is loved. He was overwhelmed. Thank you to all of you. We feel your prayers and your care and concern. It helps us through each day
Laura your strong and positive and practical attitude is so inspiring. I hope they get the pain under control first and foremost. So sorry Steve (and by extension your whole family) is going through such an intensely difficult time. Thank you for keeping this blog so that your "extended ward family" can make our prayers as specific as possible. Try to get as much rest and nourishment for yourself as you can!
ReplyDelete